There are certain things we have all come to expect from a wedding, from the first kiss to the first dance, but when you are planning a same-sex wedding, so many of the typical conventions just don’t make sense or can even cause you pain or unnecessary awkwardness. Regardless of these conventions, all we really want to do is celebrate the union of two people with a big party, good food and music to dance to. What should be a simple celebration of love and commitment can become far more complicated and although same-sex marriage was legalised in the UK in 2014, organising a same-sex wedding can be awkward if you are trying to fit in with outdated and unnecessary traditions. So, same-sex couples across the world are casting aside the expected conventions and creating new traditions that represent their ideals and their vision of their special day. Instead of following the norm and wearing white, walking down the aisle with the father and taking the husband’s name, for example, couples are looking at the reason and meaning behind each tradition and deciding if it makes sense for them and if not, changing it so that it does make sense, or even creating new traditions.
Will you marry me?
The marriage proposal has become a big event that not only requires months of planning but is also often recorded and shared on social media. While some adore this, for many it places unnecessary pressure on both people and takes some of the meaning out of it. The decision to get married is not one that can be made in a moment and quite often a big proposal is made after the couple have already made the decision to get married, questioning the need for the proposal at all. Same-sex couples are making the marriage proposal a more meaningful affair by proposing to each other, entering into the next stage of their relationship with the equality that they want to maintain throughout their lives together. Even engagement rings are being replaced by engagement gifts, such as watches, and are exchanged in celebration of the promise to commit to each other, rather than one person asking the other.
Here comes the bride, all dressed in white
‘Which one is the bride?’ – the dreaded question at any same-sex marriage. Hopefully nowadays insensitivity like that is rare, but there is still pressure on any couple to give their guests the expected vision of a bride in white and a groom in a suit. The virginal white gown has long since lost its symbolism, so skipping the expected aesthetic and instead wearing something that has meaning to the couple is far more significant to modern couples. Whether this means contrasting black and white gowns or shorts and waistcoats, the dress code is entirely up to the individual. This also means that the tradition of not seeing each other before the big day is often forgotten, as many couples have picked their outfits together so there is no big surprise there, but more importantly they have already established a life together and separation for a night is a little redundant at this point.
Best-woman and brides-men
It is quite rare nowadays for men to only have male friends and for women to only have female friends, and yet the vision of a bride with her bridesmaids and a groom with his groomsmen is one that seems to be lasting. Same-sex weddings are embracing honesty and ignoring this convention by mixing up the roles of the wedding party and having their VIPs close at hand, regardless of gender. This is also seen at the bachelor and bachelorette parties, with some couples even choosing to disregard the convention of two separate parties, in favour of one big party together or even just a vacation for the couple alone.
May I have your daughter’s hand in marriage?
Traditional weddings embrace the role of the parents, from the groom asking for the father’s permission, to the father giving away the bride, but many of these traditions are outdated and irrelevant in today’s society. If you’ve been living with your partner for five years already, it seems a little odd to have to ask someone’s permission to marry them. In addition to that, for couples who have uncomfortable relationships with their parents, it is just not always possible to have their involvement at the wedding. As two independent individuals, same-sex couples are skipping these traditions and making their wedding day about their joint decision to commit to each other, rather than the exchange of ownership from father to husband that it once was.
Walking down the aisle
To avoid the question of who walks down the aisle and who waits nervously at the end, couples are reinventing the convention. A favourite solution for those who love symbolism and symmetry is the dual aisle, with both grooms or brides walking up separate paths and joining each other at the front. This allows them both to enjoy the grand entrance in front of their loved ones, but also symbolises their separate paths in life that lead them to this final meeting point.
With this ring I thee wed
There is something truly romantic about couples with matching wedding rings, but for many modern couples this tradition just simply isn’t for them. Whether they object to conforming to traditions in a ceremony that for so long exiled them, or they are simply uncomfortable with wearing jewellery, many couples are choosing to replace the wedding bands with another method of symbolising their commitment, such as matching tattoos, wedding pendants or wedding watches. Other couples are opting to reinvent the wedding band tradition by wearing their rings on the other hand, or on an entirely different finger.
If there is one thing that all of these reinvented traditions have in common it is the desire for symbolism that truly has meaning for them. Outdated conventions that no longer make sense in today’s society are rejected in favour of new traditions that not only make sense but emphasise the depth of the connection between two people committing their lives to each other.