It can often feel like weddings have escalated from the union of two people with their friends and family to a grand show in front of friends and family and the world. When did we lose sight of the fundamentals of marriage and enter this wedding competition that increases in intensity each year? More couples are choosing the simplicity and freedom of eloping and it isn’t hard to see why.
What is Elopement?
Eloping used to be a secret escape with your loved one, away from controlling and judgemental parents forbidding the match. Now it takes many forms, from a secret escape to an extravagant wedding without guests. For those with a limited budget eloping offers a low-cost option that emphasises the needs and desires of the couple and no one else. You can get married how you want, where you want, and you don’t need to worry about all those people watching you. For others, elopement means a glamorous escape with all the luxuries of a formal wedding, without having to pay or accommodate all the guests.
Elopement is now so popular that companies have created elopement packages, offering weddings for 2 people or small weddings for the couple plus 2-10 guests. These packages are enticing as everything is taken care of for you, from the decoration to the officiate and even the honeymoon. You can elope up the road in the UK, or combine your wedding and honeymoon and elope to Hawaii or California. The possibilities are only limited by the marriage laws of the country, as some countries require residency before you can get married.
How do I Elope?
The concept of running off and getting married is filled with excitement, but the reality is that it does take a little planning and can’t be done last minute. If you are legally allowed to marry in the UK, you can elope. Before you can run off into the sunset with your loved one you will need to give notice, at least 29 days before you intend to marry and within 12 months. You give notice at your local register office and it costs £35 per person. If you are choosing to elope abroad you will have to abide by the laws of the UK and the laws of your destination country. This can vary depending on the country, as some countries can marry you that day and others require residency or even blood tests. Some of the most popular elopement destination include; Scotland, Las Vegas, Canada, Hawaii and California.
Realities of Eloping
Just like a typical wedding, eloping has its own stresses and strains. You will almost certainly upset someone by eloping, especially if you do it in secret and announce it after the wedding. Not everyone will understand your desire to get married your own way and it can cause family rifts. You are also unlikely to receive any gifts if you elope, so if that is a deal-breaker for you, elopement might not be the right choice. If you choose to include two people in your wedding as the witnesses this can also cause problems as other people in your life might be more offended that you selected two people over everyone else. There is also the issue of cost to consider. Elopement isn’t always the cheaper option and some packages can cost the same as a budget wedding in the UK.
The Big Reveal
Modern couples often prepare a big reveal once they return home to tell their friends and family that they have eloped. If you browse through Pinterest for ideas there is plenty of inspiration but do consider a few things before you post the ‘we eloped!’ photo on Facebook. It is best to inform close friends and family in person or at least individually. That way you can explain your decision and encourage your loved ones to be excited for you, rather than making them feel like you have betrayed them by excluding them from this happy day. If you sense that they aren’t quite comfortable with your decision, suggest a quiet celebration like a meal out. Quite often it is the friends who spent a great deal on their wedding who feel the most put out as you haven’t done the same. Taking them out for a meal might help to ease some hurt feelings.
The Elopement Party
A good compromise is to have a party when you return from your wedding. Some people choose to announce their elopement beforehand and invite everyone to their reception the traditional way, so instead of some guests coming to your wedding and others only to the evening party, everyone just comes to the party. Others choose to hold their party later, perhaps to celebrate their first anniversary, or even their 10th. Or you can keep things simple by hosting a small dinner for your nearest and dearest. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, just don’t feel pressured into a decision because of how other people believe you should celebrate your wedding. At the end of the day, your wedding should be a celebration of your relationship and commitment to each other; your friends and family will hopefully be happy no matter how you choose to make that commitment.