It’s your big day. It’s something you’ve waited years for. It’s been a labour of love to plan everything in minute detail. But… something isn’t quite right.
How you feel about something going wrong, and how important that thing is, isn’t what is going to get you labelled a bridezilla, it’s how you act. Walking the narrow line between being too passive and being too passionate about your wedding is not an easy feat to pull off when people all around you are stressed and emotions run high.
Are napkins the wrong shade of blue? Did they forget the chrysanthemums in the floral displays? Is your aunt wearing a cream-and-grey dress that you just know is going to look white in the photos? On top of the stress you’ve been feeling as the culmination of months (or even years) of planning is finally coming to fruition, something not happening according to plan, even in a tiny way, can result in an overly emotional response. It’s not making mountains of molehills, it a natural response to being emotionally overwhelmed by the whole situation, and it’s OK to be upset.
As the Bride or Groom
You may think you’re above the sort of outburst that gets people labelled as a bridezilla or groomzilla. But no matter how phlegmatic you may be, however hard to try to manage your expectations that everything might not be perfect, the sheer stress of your wedding day can get to anyone.
Feeling upset about something not being right, or something going wrong isn’t the problem. Nobody is going to be justified in judging you for having emotions. The judgements will come depending on how you act. So take a deep breath and a few moments to think before you say something you might regret.
For the Rest of the Wedding Party
If you’re the bridesmaid or usher at a wedding, part of your job is helping to handle mishaps that might occur on the day. You might think you’re there to celebrate the union of your friends or family, but the fact is that if you’re in the wedding party, you should be helping keep the happy couple from getting overwhelmed. If you notice something wrong, work out what can be done to fix it before bringing it to the attention of the bride/groom.
If the cake hasn’t arrived, don’t just dump that news on the happy couple. Find out all of the information first. If there’s just a delay, find out how long it will be. If it needs to be replaced or fixed, get an idea of what options there are. When you do present the information, do so as calmly as you can and if possible away from the rest of the guests. No matter how calm the bride/groom may appear from the outside, they might well be bottling up a lot of stress.
If the bride or groom is obviously getting stressed, it can be difficult to help them calm down. A misjudged comment could be taken the wrong way in the heat of the moment and make the situation worse rather than better. Reassure them that you’re there for them and that whatever is stressing them out will be resolved.
Handling the Stress
There are hundreds of books about handling stress and probably twice as many websites, and many will have unique takes on suggested techniques for dealing with stressful situations. But the fact is, how you deal with stress is very much dependent on you.
Some common techniques for handling stress that might help you on your wedding day:
Take a moment to yourself.
One thing that is possibly adding to how stressed you are is that fact that, hey, it’s your wedding. All eyes are on you and being the centre of attention when you might not be used to it could be making everything worse. Step off to a side room, either by yourself or with your new spouse, and take a few minutes to decompress.Deep breaths.
It sounds cliched, but it does work. And there’s a scientific reason why it works, your flooding your blood with oxygen by taking those deep breaths, and when that oxygen hits your brain it does a lot to bleed off some of that stress.Have a drink.
Not necessarily alcoholic, depending on how you handle alcohol. A glass of bubbly is likely to help take the edge off and get you back into the wedding mood, but even a glass of water would help.Delegate.
You’re surrounded by your closest family and friends, as well as your new in-laws. If something goes wrong, don’t be afraid to lean on them for help. Even if there’s nothing they can immediately do to fix the problem, they might at least help with a hug.